Mixed Feelings?

Today was one of those up and down days.

A couple of close friends and I visited another church today, and can I just say that I really didn't feel it. I felt no passion, only hype. The speaker, I felt, was trying too hard, was too forceful, and he left me feeling cold, as did the entire service. All I could think was, I can't wait to get home to NewHope. Of course, my negative feelings at this church were only exacerbated by the rude people pushing and shoving, the total lack of signage toward an exit (what, do they want you to stay there overnight?!), and the fact that my glucometer somehow fell out of my handbag at some stage, and I was in a total panic. I just wanted to cry.

So fast forward... On entering the building back at NewHope , I realised that it was indeed, truly my home. Within seconds of seeing the familiar faces, the much loved walls and sanctuary, my panic and stress was gone. I was enveloped in hugs by my best friends, and surrounded by walls where I had encountered God a million times, and in a million ways.

The service was amazing. The worship was led by our wonderful youth, and they did a terrific job, as always. It makes me happy to see such love and passion from Christ in the faces and body language of the teens. The sermon, however... was just beyond awesome. We had a guest speaker tonight, a Youth Pastor from Box Hill North Salvation Army church. His sermon was his own Testimony, and I was moved beyond description. Matthew told us about Growing up in a loving Christian home, and turning away from God and into drugs at the age of 13. At 16, he left home, and was soon dealing drugs, and getting himself into more and more debt. He was hooked on cocaine, and so far from God its not funny. It was only the death of one of his close friends, when he himself was only 21, that brought him back to God, and to a new life in Him, a life where there was no room for anything he had been up to in the past.

Matthew's testimony had me in tears, and I realised after that I was actually talking to God the entire time I was listening. I want what Matthew has now. I want the faith, I want the trust, and I want to cling to God with all I have, through everything, good, bad and indifferent. I want to give up all that I have, all my ambition, wants and needs, and put it all behind Christ. I want Him to be my number one, to be the sole reason I wake in the morning, and the sole reason I go to bed at night.

I want to be a child and woman in Christ, living only for him.